Duke Onkled

Duke Onkled is the traitorous and cowardly duke of Gamelon, a cousin of King Harkinian, and a friend of Fari.

Biography
Duke Onkled was born in Koridai on September 11, 1956 to his parents. His father became king of Hyrule in 1963, so he took Duke Onkled to Gamelon, where he studied business at Abnormal School. In 1993, he betrayed the King and joined Ganon, but Ganon was defeated, and Duke Onkled was sentenced to 7 months of floor-scrubbing, among other punishments. In 2015, he joined forces with Fari to assassinate King Harkinian.

Request for Mercy
In 2008, Duke Onkled formally applied to King Harkinian for mercy in the form of parole from his floor-scrubbing duties. Fari took him to Hyrule Castle, where the King issued him a list of punishments he would have to complete before he could qualify: Believe it or not, Duke Onkled managed to complete all of his tasks in a month. Of course, the King still denied him any mercy.
 * Scrubbing all the floors in Hyrule
 * Scrubbing all the floors in Gamelon (redundant, as Gamelon is part of Hyrule)
 * Rubbing oil on the King's dong
 * Taking Link out for dinner
 * Ordering pizza
 * Saving four pieces of pizza for the King
 * Eating poop
 * Protecting Zelda's boobies
 * Helping the King pee in the morning
 * Going on a diet
 * Eating an octorok's dong
 * F--king himself
 * Doing the duck walk
 * Masturbating on Ganon's face
 * Pleasing all the plumbers in the Mushroom Kingdom

King Harkinian
Duke Onkled is usually terrified of King Harkinian, who has never forgiven him for his betrayal. Other times, however, he is attracted to the King, and he even held him captive as part of a twisted sex game once.

Zelda
Disturbingly, Duke Onkled is also obsessed with King Harkinian's daughter, Zelda, and he once begged her to have sex with him. He later tried a more subtle approach by asking the King to set them up on a date, but the King didn't cooperate.

Butch Patrick
Duke Onkled thought Zelda is at his place, instead Butch Patrick was at his place. Onkled then told him the directions to Hyrule Castle, and delivered him an MIDI keyboard. Onkled likes to help cleaning, playing catch with him, and even dancing to keyboard music. Patrick was very helpful to Onkled as of April 10, 2015.

Trivia

 * He lives in Dodomai Palace.
 * He is a wimp, unable to hurt anyone or defend himself.
 * He has too many rings.
 * He owns the biggest key in the world.
 * He was arrested for invading the king's house, attacking Zelda, and joining Ganon.
 * In turn, he had the King arrested for killing Hectan.
 * He once claimed to be gay, but this seems to be false, as he once tried to seduce Zelda.
 * He owns a popular restaurant chain, Duke Onkled's Diner, which means he's not a total failure after all.
 * He's a terrible cook, though, and even burns himself in his restaurant's commercials.

Quotes

 * "Don't hurt me, Zelda!"
 * "Please, your omnipotence, have mercy!"
 * "No way."
 * "Your omnipotence, I'm gay."
 * "F--k me, Zelda."
 * "Don't eat me!"